What I Miss... Just Sitting By The Beach

f8 @ Duka Bay Resort 2011

This photo is from our beach outing @ Duka Bay Resort last year, 2011. This year we went to Ilocos and it  was fun. We got to visit cool new places and see breathtaking sights. Some were literally breathtaking to get to because we had to climb a bunch of stairs and had to take a hike for a few minutes. But it was all worth it. Everything.

What was missing in the tour, aside from Kat, is what you see in the picture. I miss this. I miss just having to sit with these individuals that I don’t have too much in common with and just be. One teacher-friend once told me that I have a unique set of friends. “There is unity in diversity” were her words. That was how she described it. I didn't think of it that way then but she’s right. And I realized that it’s fine. It’s okay. It is true that we have different likes and sometimes, even our ideas don’t click but we all get along. We are friends.

Then came reality. We can’t do this forever. Eventually, we have to, we need to go our separate ways. But I’ll never forget what this picture means to me. That feeling I had that night, is what I missed the most. I'll treasure their friendship for as long as I can.

To Be Happy Today..

It's now officially my buttday but it started a bit sad before it begun. Since I'm back home, I only had two friends in mind that I'd like to come to the party the most. My childhood friends, Inday & Pangeet. But this party would have all my mother's guests (aka our neighbors). I'm used to having them over but I would also like my own. To see my friends. Unfortunately, Inday canceled on me yesterday (14 hours ago). She's one of my best friends and we've been friends since childhood. I guess we really grew apart. It's a good thing Pangeet is coming. Not that he lives far, he lives next door haha He's really a good friend (with a very jealous gf haha).

Oh to be 25 and be in my hometown stinks. People always leave this place, if they don't, they either are married or pregnant. But I'm happy for all my childhood friends. Them leaving me, not so much but for the life they chose, I'm happy for them because they seem happy too.

I miss f8+ but I am grateful to spend it today with my Mamu G and I'm still grateful for this day. Thank You God ♡

when I was young :)

No man is an island or so they say...

They say “No man is an island”, I say, one could try. This is a very depressing entry, a post that is written with the intention to surrender the last strength of being alone. Here it goes. I’m a Virgo; I’m not too proud but definitely not ashamed of being one. I couldn’t pick any other sign among the Zodiac. Although I have to say, it’s not easy being born under this sign. It tends to be the sign that is most reliable. So if you’re born as an only child, youngest or the most favorite, this will be a problem. It’s contradicting to the selfishness that a Virgo does not possess. But that’s enough about the Zodiac. It’s not what I came to write. I guess somehow it’s my way of explaining how I am the way I am, not that I have to explain myself or that it dictates my action, it just has a strong impact of the person I am, now. I am a Virgo and an only child.

Since I was born, there was only me. Duh. This didn’t stop me though, from making friends. I actually have a great bunch, those for-keeps type of friends. I couldn’t remember any of whom that I didn’t have an actual fight with. Not physically but those petty stuff, that’s so precious especially when you make up. But my fights last longer that it should. It’s also my fault. I hold on to the hurt too much to let it go. This is not right, somehow I know, but I can’t help it. It always happens. I think, I think differently. Everyone would say, if God forgives, why couldn’t we? This does bother me, because in my head I say, “Well, for argument’s sake, I am not God. I was created by Him but I’m not Him. I am not perfect, although I try. He has His ways as I have mine. I do forgive those who wronged me, not right away of course but in time, I do.” This thought keeps running through my mind at a church or just when someone mentions forgiveness and ties it with God. Foul. You should be forgiven because you’re sorry not just because you say you’re sorry. Be sorry. And I guess, that’s also why I find it hard to forgive right away because I think it takes time for you to realize what you’ve done.

Now with all that in mind, am I really up for friendship? Do I dare take a chance on being hurt, lied to or disappointed by friends? They say “no man is an island”. I say, one could try. But I won’t. Anyone can hurt you, lie to you and disappoint you. Life is not fair, that way. It will then be a question of worth or what matters most to you to include in your life. Friends are great gifts. It’s great if you have a lot but if you have real ones, it’s always better and a few will always be enough.

Love and the rest of the mushy^^

So I drank a lot of coffee. I got to watch Storyline and was really moved by one particular story. Their love crossed continents. It was a love story, only with a tragic end. Then it got me thinking.. How could a magical thing, such as love could end that way? They were murdered by the way. You can check out their story here.

So anyway, love is life and life as we know it, ends. I guess that's the only way to stop it. But even death does not separate two people in love. It's called eternal love. One story had that kind of love. Her husband, who was an activist, was assassinated right before he's about to pick her up from the airport. Instead of dwelling on the heavy emotions, she focuses on life. She said if she'll share her story, it would not be about the hurt because listeners would feel that. So she chose to share about being a flutist. She said from what had happened to her husband, she learned to appreciate life and the importance of every breath.

It's just amazing. Two different stories but of the same foundation, love. I'm young but I'm not getting younger. I have not found the love of my life yet but I believe it will come if it's for me. I'm just afraid of getting hurt. People make mistakes, but I'm not sure how I'd handle a husband's mistake or a boyfriend cheating. It's kinda like, don't start it, if it would just end eventually. I'm also not the type who collects because I believe in karma and I don't like playing with people's feelings. Quite frankly, if I don't like a person, they would feel it.

When I was in first grade, I had a crush. I think he's special because I never forgot his name. Funny as it may seem but yes, as soon as I learned his name, I never forgot it. Darn. Oops!

Drinking coffee makes my heart beat fast that's why I got to write this. I do apologize. But word of advise; Cherish those people who care for you. Don't chase or look for love. It will come and bite you in the armpits. Just keep your eyes, especially your heart, open :)

[written 4/20/11]

Choose your feelings

I was watching Seventh Heaven earlier before I slept. The episode was great but the Reverend said something about choosing your feelings. Now, just the thought of it, it's really hard. Especially for me because I feel what I feel. In the episode, the Reverend suggested that you can choose your feelings. If you're upset but you still have to go to work, you can set that aside. And when you come home, you can feel it and even cry about it for an hour. Let all your emotions out but limit yourself to that time. Is this possible? Can we really choose our feelings? Can we really set the time when to feel it and how long it should last? I'm not tough so this is impossible for me.


I think dealing with our feelings right there and then is what makes us human. And if dealing with it causes bad things in your life like maybe cause you your job because you lost focus on your task or had a failing mark in an exam because you forgot to study, that really sucks. Forgive me for my words, but yes, it's bad but I guess that's how God planned it.

Maybe it's suppose to give you a lesson. And maybe you needed to learn that lesson. Problems come but in time, they also disappear. It's just how you handle it as it comes. With regards to feelings, do what you think is right. Think it through, don't just rely on your heart. Watch a movie, or clean your apartment, or go outside. Whatever suits you, as long as you move on.

the most effective way to get over disappointment.

disappointment. it exist. you can't do anything about it. it gets you off guard. unprepared. it just happens. you cope up and then what? you forget? but can you? especially when there are words like reminisce or remember. it's hard. so, how can you get over disappointment? for me, the most effective way to get over disappoint is "a lot" of things. a lot of things like I curse a lot, I cry a lot, I eat a lot, I think a lot, I would like to sleep a lot but I can't because I have work. amongst these "a lot" of things, I fear thinking a lot because when that happens, I begin generating decisions and realizations. and I hate it. you shouldn't decide when you're mad and it is unfair to make a realization while you're mad.


but why do disappointments occur? I'm not really sure. one thing that's going through my mind is "too much expectations". it's the best answer for me, for now. second would be, inconsiderate people. this is effin stupid but there are people like this. the best solution is to talk and listen. I'm not saying confront the person, find someone you could talk to, one who's willing to listen as well. may or may it not be the same person you're disappointed at. if you can't find anyone, talk to God. or if you still can't do that, write it. in paper or blog about it (like this one). that way, it may not have removed the hurt but it helps lighten up the weight.

being disappointed is never easy. as for me, i usually take "a lot" of time to be alone and think. i rarely talk to avoid coming into tears. yes, I know that's lame, but I easily cry. that's why I need time.

Why aren't weekends longer?

Why??? why?!! I'm not complaining (so much :D) I just want to know why? Does anybody know?