What I Miss... Just Sitting By The Beach

f8 @ Duka Bay Resort 2011

This photo is from our beach outing @ Duka Bay Resort last year, 2011. This year we went to Ilocos and it  was fun. We got to visit cool new places and see breathtaking sights. Some were literally breathtaking to get to because we had to climb a bunch of stairs and had to take a hike for a few minutes. But it was all worth it. Everything.

What was missing in the tour, aside from Kat, is what you see in the picture. I miss this. I miss just having to sit with these individuals that I don’t have too much in common with and just be. One teacher-friend once told me that I have a unique set of friends. “There is unity in diversity” were her words. That was how she described it. I didn't think of it that way then but she’s right. And I realized that it’s fine. It’s okay. It is true that we have different likes and sometimes, even our ideas don’t click but we all get along. We are friends.

Then came reality. We can’t do this forever. Eventually, we have to, we need to go our separate ways. But I’ll never forget what this picture means to me. That feeling I had that night, is what I missed the most. I'll treasure their friendship for as long as I can.

No man is an island or so they say...

They say “No man is an island”, I say, one could try. This is a very depressing entry, a post that is written with the intention to surrender the last strength of being alone. Here it goes. I’m a Virgo; I’m not too proud but definitely not ashamed of being one. I couldn’t pick any other sign among the Zodiac. Although I have to say, it’s not easy being born under this sign. It tends to be the sign that is most reliable. So if you’re born as an only child, youngest or the most favorite, this will be a problem. It’s contradicting to the selfishness that a Virgo does not possess. But that’s enough about the Zodiac. It’s not what I came to write. I guess somehow it’s my way of explaining how I am the way I am, not that I have to explain myself or that it dictates my action, it just has a strong impact of the person I am, now. I am a Virgo and an only child.

Since I was born, there was only me. Duh. This didn’t stop me though, from making friends. I actually have a great bunch, those for-keeps type of friends. I couldn’t remember any of whom that I didn’t have an actual fight with. Not physically but those petty stuff, that’s so precious especially when you make up. But my fights last longer that it should. It’s also my fault. I hold on to the hurt too much to let it go. This is not right, somehow I know, but I can’t help it. It always happens. I think, I think differently. Everyone would say, if God forgives, why couldn’t we? This does bother me, because in my head I say, “Well, for argument’s sake, I am not God. I was created by Him but I’m not Him. I am not perfect, although I try. He has His ways as I have mine. I do forgive those who wronged me, not right away of course but in time, I do.” This thought keeps running through my mind at a church or just when someone mentions forgiveness and ties it with God. Foul. You should be forgiven because you’re sorry not just because you say you’re sorry. Be sorry. And I guess, that’s also why I find it hard to forgive right away because I think it takes time for you to realize what you’ve done.

Now with all that in mind, am I really up for friendship? Do I dare take a chance on being hurt, lied to or disappointed by friends? They say “no man is an island”. I say, one could try. But I won’t. Anyone can hurt you, lie to you and disappoint you. Life is not fair, that way. It will then be a question of worth or what matters most to you to include in your life. Friends are great gifts. It’s great if you have a lot but if you have real ones, it’s always better and a few will always be enough.